Give, And You Shall Be Given

Yes, you read that right. It is intended to catch your attention, but I promise, no bollocks in this post.

The common mantra is 👉 Ask, and you shall be given.

The problem with that, a lot of us ask for favor from someone, yet we forget the value dynamics at play. I believe we should give, and then … we shall be given.

VALUE DYNAMICS

Let’s start with the very simple request I get daily on my DMs: “Bang, follow back dong!”

These are the people who don’t understand value dynamics.

Of course I’d think: “Why should I follow you? What value it brings to my life? I don’t even follow some of my friends who are not active on social media …”

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t say this from the place of superiority. I just don’t see a value match. Fact is, I also follow a lot of people who are not influencers, celebrities, etc. They don’t have K & M behind their follower numbers, and yet, I find value in what they share. And by value, it can be as simple as … they helped me before when I was researching for my presentation material.

They DM-ed me their sandwich generation problems, and I asked permission to use it. Then I followed them back because I wanted to track how our discussion helped them. See, if you wanted someone to follow you back, first thing first, give value.

That being said, I appreciate the candor in asking “Bang, follow back dong!” and sometimes I took the time to visit their profile and see if there’s something unique. 9/10 times, their last post is 2 months ago, their profile description doesn’t spark any interest, and worst … their total post is 17. Bro, you had one shot, before asking, at least put some effort to make your personal brand eye-catching.

The problem with people (who don’t understand value dynamics) and keep sliding into my DMs (and asking for favor) these days are:

• They never or rarely interact (share, like, comment) with my post
• They never or rarely contribute to the discussion
• Some are even too pompous to click a vote on a simple poll in my Instagram Stories
• They don’t even pun an effort to at least give a strong reason behind their ‘ask’

Here’s a hint : your presence is also a value you can give to the table, before you ask that favor.

ME & MY PODCAST GUESTS

Let’s approach this from a case study.

Before you ask someone to be a guest on your podcast, have you been giving value? Try this:

• Follow and give meaningful comment on their socials. Example: I’ve been following Patricia Rani & Edbert Gani for a year before I asked them to be a guest on TDOL podcast. I didn’t do it purposefully as a strategy, but just personally curious with their relationship dynamics. Turns out, I find gems that might be interesting to share on podcast. Then I invited them. I suggested topics that I think can help their personal branding. Here’s a screenshot back in June 2023.

• When you ask, ask with a giving-value mindset. I remember after the recording session, they said that they really enjoyed the conversation, they liked how thoughtful and well-structured the questions are. This is another example, value can be as simple as giving your extra effort in researching your guests, and make it a meaningful session. Fun fact: I went to the length of reading my guest’s book (I did this with Maudy Ayunda and Greysia Polii episode).
• Offer help when you can. The dinner with Dr. Ryan above happened months before we finally record a podcast with him for TDOL. But our first ever meet-up happen when we chat over Instagram DMs. Basically helping each other with what we needed at the time. And today, Ryan has over 25K audience, and been invited on Raditya Dika’s youtube channel too.

Other than podcast, you can apply the same principles to almost anything. Give, and you shall be given. Another version of this is my personal mantra “Bertemanlah, sebelum kamu butuh.” (Be a friend, before you need one).

Enough about me. I’m just using it as an example. You can change the word “I” above with any public persona, I’m quite sure they’d approach it similarly.

Now, on to another real life case studies to make sure you really really really get the idea.

NOAH KAGAN’S STORY

Sometime in 2010s, Noah Kagan‘s (founder of AppSumo) father passed away. He remember how much his dad adore Bo Jackson. He’s the only athlete in history to be both MLB and NFL all-star. Noah wanted to have Bo on his podcast, but the thing is, Bo disappeared from the limelight.

Noah then discovered that Bo has started Bo Bikes Bama, an annual charity bike ride to raise money for emergency disaster relief in Alabama. That’s when Noah decided that the best thing he could do was offering his help. This was a great cause, and if he helped him, maybe Bo would say yes to come on the podcast.

Noah sent out a message through his social media. Something like this.

Long story short, in three days they raised $30,000, all without going viral. Two days later, Bo called him personally to thank him, and soon after he appeared on Noah’s podcast.

BUT WAIT. That’s not the main message.

You might think “Of course you were able to raise such crazy amount with your huge following.”

Here’s the remarkable thing, when Noah go through the list of donations, he recognized almost every name. These are people who have interacted with Noah before. He had given them business advice, or have giving them support as simple as a “You’re doing great, keep going!”

---

This understanding of value dynamics, has been tested time and time again. I’m sure if you ask someone in your close circle, they will be able to share at least one stories similar to this. It has happened to me multiple times. So, I implore you, before you ask, give.

Give, give, give … and you shall be given.

Make friends, before you need one.

Or call it good karma.

Whatever you name it, the value dynamics work.

I hope you start focusing on value today onwards. Share this to a friend, they might find it valuable.

Happy compounding,

Fellexandro Ruby